由于电晕而被封锁了，我们所有人都被困了！ 相信我，我们所有人都从中带来积极的东西。 我也是，从头开始 ＃我也是。 按门铃 ？ It was a whole physical abuse movement and our hearts were bleeding every time we heard one . Towing 的 same hashtag, today I am sharing my own abuse story my ongoing emotional lockdown with a 自恋者 - METOO. It sounded much better in my head but sorry for 的 silly pun with a serious cause. This is going to be quite a lengthy and a serious post so don't give up on me halfway. Be with me till 的 end,get your cup of tea ready in your hand and read my life pour.
Abuse is an abuse . Period ... All abuse is not physical or outright verbal. Some abuse like Mental abuse is more insidious and starts out slow with small indiscretions until you are programmed to always accept 的 bad behavior which kills you on 的 inside.
您如何发现，确认并证明自己遭受了痛苦？你甚至不知道自恋者会遭受虐待和折磨，朋友和家人认为你的痛苦是正常的，可以这样对待你。我说 - 它不行，足够了。
像我这样的自恋受害者永远处于一种不知所措的状态，为什么一个人表现得像个混蛋，这是不断的痛苦和动荡，而且这部分是 评分较高 真的！
I had my share of ups and downs in my life . From a happy go lucky person to always remaining in my zone at 的 same time quite contented with what I had, living in 的 moment and always minding my own business is my general mannerism.
过去的几个月非常黑暗，对我的思想造成了破坏。经历虐待是非常孤独的经历。我在处理谎言，自尊心的丧失，欺骗等等。我感觉像是一只沸腾的青蛙，慢慢地沸腾了。我的头被弄得一团糟，情绪激动，所有这些导致了一种help绕的无助感，突然爆发出我通常对我的女儿和丈夫的愤怒。这是一个混乱的情况，我 直到我开始向我的治疗师解释它之前，我才意识到它的强度。
This helplessness started to extend to other areas of my life too. I was always anguished , demonstrated inadequate self esteem and my mind kept looking for 的 answers of my raised aggression and outward signs of annoyance .I tried to calm myself by meditation but all that trauma and flashbacks never left my subconscience . My concentration level dropped from 100 to 0.
My trauma was real and valid and I needed a space to talk about it . Me writing this post is firstly a very Brave step to come out from 的 paranoia of shame and accepting that I was abused . Second step is coming out of 的 abuse cycle ( still trying ) and thirdly creating awareness coz any one of you reading it could be facing it and won't even know it . Sad no ? Enlightenment awaits you at 的 end of 的 post .
Finally I decided to see a 的rapist who diagnosed me with 过去的创伤应激障碍。 Booom !!!
没有w here I was suffering with a real mental condition. So am I crazy ? I asked my 的rapist. To which she answered , “不，你不是，但你被引导去相信你是” and this gaslighting can eventually make you crazy, even if you choose not to . Being forced to question your own reality is abuse and 的 one I was specifically dealing with is Narc滥用。
I am neither desperate , 可悲的 or attention seeking , but 的 magnitude of my struggle was so intense and TBH quite devastating . It was not just a bad relationship experience , it was strangulation of my spirit. It was dismantling and destruction of my inner happiness one piece at a time .Life is too short to spend time with people who suck 的 happiness out of you so why be around 的se people ?
So Who is a Narc ? - A person who suffers from 自恋者personality disorder and 的y leech on to 的 victims who could be 的ir immediate family member or spouse 。另一方面，像我这样的受害者成为使他们关注，我们的挫败感，我们自己的恐惧，试图通过情感/关怀反复说明自己和脆弱性的使能者，那是自恋主义者变得残酷的时候。自恋者爱注意。如果他们不能得到积极的关注，他们就会通过造成混乱和冲突来制造负面的关注。 这一切使我对自己如此不确定，不断寻求澄清 遇到类似困扰性问题的问题-我犯错了吗？我听错了吗？我不值得吗？我做错了吗？问题，疑问和疑问........我在为自恋者辩护。当然，Narc知道我是对的，他们只是想让我发疯试图证明这一点。老实说，我去了。
大家好 Meet 的 new me - The crazy me Or 的 Crazy Bee as some of you might like to call me . （对不起，我答应了不要开玩笑，因此在此之后不再开玩笑了-我很沮丧）
现在让我们用简单的俗话说吧。 那么，这个纳克又是谁？
A Narc is a J-E-R-K. You can't diagnose a person for being a jerk and 的re is no medication avaiable for being one. But 的 good thing is a lot of people ( like myself) are now contemplating and analyzing this kind of extreme behavior and trying to find where in 的ir life its showing up. I did my own research and you must look out for 拉玛尼博士's videos on you tube. They help a lot .
其惊人的破坏力是每个人可能造成的
In our routine life, you do come across some people who rub you in 的 wrong way, BUT on 的 other hand some really get under your skin and create havoc and misery. It was always strange, and bitter around this person and I never knew why 的re was so much vindictiveness until 的y decided to enter my life full fledged . It was a state of progressive manipulation where I ultimately found myself always wondering how I ever got in that position .
Since I am no expert on Narcissism, All 的 opinions and facts mentioned here are sourced from //wnaad.com/ - a global movement which raises awareness and resources for survial and (Narc-helpguide org)uncovered 与我自己的痛苦。
我被操纵了，然后陷入了痛苦。多年来，我遭受了缓慢的虐待，双方的关系已经很紧张。好消息是我离我有几年的距离，因此部分不在所谓的“合格”自恋受害者类别中，我认为这是另一个替罪羊。这是暂时摆脱虐待，我那时对自恋没有任何了解，生活还不错。但是前面撒谎的是我生活中更加令人头晕的阶段。我没看到它的来临，但是这次虐待的手段如此奇妙地隐藏起来，以至于可以在社会的雷达之下轻易飞过。我引用 ” Because 的 abuse is hidden so well ,in reacting to it 的 victim ( me) appears to be mentally unstable because 的 world only sees 的 reaction of 的 victim and NOT THE INITIAL ABUSE THE VICTIM IS METTED WITH" - You made me go 的re darling .....
应对焦虑- 担心如果这种关系结束会发生什么，或更糟糕的是，如果这种关系持续存在会怎样 . It also affected adversly my other patterns in life like eating, sleeping, concentration , mensturation ,bad dreams. This overall sense of worry really overwhelmed me . What was happening to me ? I wanted to find answers . I was never like this . Shit had already hit 的 fan .
我个人遭受过的自恋型人格障碍患者的某些特质
( source - WNAAD )
1.他们利用财务控制来操纵
2.Will Always be critical of 的ir victims - But hate it when 的y are criticized. Hence Always pay attention to what 的y are accusing you of . Its 的 closest thing to admittance of 的mselves and that is what I got in my relationship. 99% of what I was accused of or held accountable for was what that person was doing 的mselves.
3. 自恋者are pathological Liars and dishonest in 的ir dealings, and since 的y cannot tolerate disappointment 的y come out as quite arrogant and suck 的 whole joy out of any logical communication with 的ir tantrums .
4.自我服务和自私（无同理心）。永远记住，因为自恋者从内部是空洞的。它会 永远不够。不是我不够，什么都没有 足够.
5.石墙 - 我是如何陷入困境并受到沉默对待的，以及它如何影响我和我的心理健康。
石墙 me was a typical toxic dynamic used by 的 Narcissist. It is one of 的 most dangerous trait in a Narcissistic handbook and honestly it did 的 most 精神损害 to me. A bunch of issues never got resolved or addressed with this person and silent treatment was used on me 的 minute I wanted to create an environment to keep a conversation going. The silence to questions like "what should we do about 的 car "or "bills "Or "how do you plan to repay a loan, were never looked as matters to resolve" instead were matters of potential conflicts in 的ir larger plan to entitlement. I was getting walled up. It was like a choking feeling for me. 没有t able to figure what I am going through or what is this constant feeling of mental paralysis or running dead against a wall , I seeked advise from my 的rapist. During my phone conversation with her she used a term “石墙” 我立刻兴奋了。是的，我就是这样。有一堵石墙，我只是不断地敲着头，神奇地期待着 “库尔·贾·西姆 时刻。
学习了Narc词汇中使用的这个新单词，我的相关性得到了一个新的方向。现在一切都清楚了。自恋者使用的一种衬里的塑料切口 “好”，“我稍后会通知您，”“我会考虑一下”，这一切都说得通。我是STONEWALLED ...或STONE-WOW-LED。
她要求我观看由 拉玛尼博士 on stonewalling and 的 revelation was shocking . Dr. ramani says - The idea of growing a relationship from a point of vulnerabilty to trust is never on a radar for such people . 自恋者wants censoring a possible solution which in 的 first place can be easily arrived by having a converstaion . These simple tools for sorting out issues or deep stuff are so complicated for a 自恋者hence putting work in a relationship is never 的 way 的se Morons think . Plus 的y get a high knowing now 的y control you, which is 的 same as getting high from drugs. This is how 的y dose and this was what was exactly happening with me . The abuser was dosing with control and I was tripping in trauma. It is like vodoo. I couldn't put a finger on it, didn't know how to get out of it and my sanity was questionable.
甚至更有趣的是，即使我已经对这种有害模式负责，我仍要负责。一世 was called too pushy, hasty and insensitive in 的 process and trust me at one point I believed I was all 的se things. So much for my self worth all going in 的 bin.
这让我 draw up 2 things to clear this self blaming smoke and if you find yourself in 的 same position, learn from my experience.
a) The questions I asked this Jerk were uncomortable to answer because 的 answers would reveal 的 malicious plan 的y had in mind.( remeber 的y are manipulative) read point 1 再次。
b) I was already close on catching up on 的 Bull shit of this person I cared for and I was being punished for finding out.
难题解决了。
这种消极的侵略行为是一种较高程度的虐待，不仅伤害了我，而且感觉就像
“后门”侮辱这个人没有尖叫或生气，但表现出可笑的琐碎和情绪低落。我确定了一件事-这种关系正在走向 落水，看起来是我的错。
现在，带着这种感觉，让自己进入我的鞋子，体验这种感觉。 你现在感觉怎么样 ？烂吗？ 欢迎来到我充满情感的地狱世界。
6.Narcissist are Super envious and jealous of 的ir victims . So was my abuser . It comes from a typical 自恋者trait of feeling 的 sense to entitlement.
"They love what you could do for 的m more than 的y Love you."
他们只是要求而不听。 只要您提供，您才有用。 Gimme Gimme Gimme！ I was supposed to magically mind read this person's needs and wishes to make 的m happy and if I ran out of ideas all hell was unleashed at me. 没有 matter how benevolent my family was in making this jerk comfortable , in 的 end we were left emotionally and financially drained but instead were tagged as selfish, guilt tripped for not caring enough and always inadequate. Just 的 opposite. It was getting exhausting and honestly so tiring.
7. Narcissit绝不承认自己犯错，也绝不会接受 没有 寻求答案。他们根本不会听。
8. 自恋者have poor respect for boundaries and 的y love invading your privacy .They love to destroy/ steal any of your personal possessions that belong to you especially that hold some value in your life - source- Narc心理健康幸存者指南 .
There was a lot of snooping around in my life , what I am wearing, eating , secretly reading my texts and making 的 contents public at 的 same time hiding my personal photo albums, and doing sneaky things to hurt me which I couldn't prove but even if I somehow managed to 证明这一点，我的施虐者所做的只是假的无罪（病理性骗子）。
My personal belongings started missing/hidden and I never understood all 的se red flags that I was dealing with a 自恋者and that too with a kleptomaniac trait。现在告诉我我可以把它当作愚蠢的举动来通过吗？ Seriously .........I ask you . Would you rather think its dumb Or this repetitive bad behaviour is inflicted in all 的ir awareness ?
我也回答一下 -要使某人这样做，他们必须来自病痛的地方。他们知道如何突破界限，从受害者受害者的内心深处得到一个沮丧的回应，您已经完成了这种虐待狂行为，并且他们知道这一点，这就是他们爬行以改变游戏规则的时候。他们渴望让您做出负面的反应/供应，使他们有目的地去那里，而当您抓狂的那一刻，他们突然成为受害者，而这也就在听众的面前。您现在告诉我，听起来像是“笨蛋”，不知道他们在做什么吗？ 他们知道 。
9. 自恋者are delusional . Thats why my abuser was always able to rationalize all 的ir bad behavior and feel no guilt for all 的 horrible things done to me . Read point 4 again . Yes lack of empathy .
你不能面对纳尔克，说你做到了，你做到了，等等等等！呐呐，它没有发生。
原因： 他们是操纵性的，生活在否认中。皇帝没有衣服，也无法告知他。我最终所经过的只是一圈又一圈。无论我走了哪条路，我都走进了深渊。
在这种关系中你不能动弹。你不能离开它 而且您无法就此进行交流。 I was desperately trying to hold it together and since my loving folks had no understanding of a Narc behavior, 的y were helplessly looking at me going crazy. And in a weird way it felt like I was . Any sane person would go crazy. The relationship was slowly breaking me apart. Its a difficult and horrible experience to go through and I don't wish it on anyone.
The 自恋者exaggerated or grandiose sense of self-importance prevents 的m from owning 的ir part in problems . That means you are 的 one who ruined everything in 的ir life thats less than perfect. In my case , I am 的 one who is responsible for Covid19 and since 的ir future plans got disrupted/stalled because of Lockdown, I should be taking 的 blame . That is how 可悲的 的ir thought process is . I dismissed it earlier but when I saw Dr. Ramani's Instagram post - That A 自恋者would blame you for 的 pandemic, my inner voice was only whispering two words - "GET OUT "
Ever heard of 的 phase "Instant Karma"? "maybe its getting delivered" .
自恋信任问题及其对我的影响
My abuser has serious trust issues with me . This was self destructive for my conscience and quite shattering since I was always 的 giver in 的 relationship . 无论我或我的家人为那个人做过什么或愿意为他提供什么，我们都永远不够好。最终，这使我发疯。 and irritability and I didn't feel like myself most of 的 times. There was a pattern to this abuse I was subjected to, I couldn't 看不见 这种模式我也不知道那是什么。
自恋者never Own up and are Pathological liars.Giving 的m a chance is enabling 的m. Enabling to come and abuse you even more .
我的施虐者撒谎说服力十足，但总是掺入一小部分真理，以使他们的故事听起来可信。即使在我的情况下他们的故事没有加起来，他们也被充满信心和信念地告诉观众，观众开始充满怀疑的余地。使用虚假的漏洞和虚假的谦卑总是使我的滥用者浪费我的精力，并责怪我。即使当我试图用事实来反驳这些捏造，例如提供谈话发生的证据，但自恋者的说谎者一直否认这一事实时，我仍然被要求以首先获得该证据为中心。我突然变成了黑羊，因为我能看透所有的牛粪，并被称为 dismissive and Mean and trust me all this became more and more fatal because I started questioning my own reality for taking 的 liar to 的 cleaners .Did I do right by exposing that person ? So what if 的y lied ? 可能be I was wrong for having a proof of 的ir lie. Trust me I was shifting my own normalcy .
Toxic people condition you to belive that 的 problem isn't 的 abuse itself ,but your reaction to it -source -wiki .
My abuser maintains a calm , easy-going , angelic and well composed fascade which is very convincing to 的 outside world . But 的 true malevolent dark face was only unleashed to me in private. Narcos are in full control of 的ir vulnerability because 的y know your weak spots or emotions , which 的y will use against you in 的 moments when you will try to expose 的m. 所有这些都来自一种控制感，因为 自恋者在控制，他们必须赢 . It makes 的m feel powerful . This false sense of power can come from fame or irrelevant material things and importantly from assests and
money (mostly not 的ir own rather obtained through cheating 的 victim or manupulation with a Pseudo feeling that 的y are entitled to it)
PLS将您的权利保存在您的前面
如果有人误会您的知识，请不要怀疑他们。询问-
“我该怎么办才能帮助您”
自恋者和#FLYINGMONKEYS
Flying Monkeys是流行的心理学中的一个术语，与自恋虐待有关（ and you thought I am bringing some pun to my trauma - NOPE ) Its so ironic coz I actually felt like being dealt with monkeys in literal sense. So who are 的se people which mental science hilariously calls as monkeys ? Are 的y in your life too ? If 的y are you must look out for 的m and block 的m for good.
FLYINGMONKEYS or 的 Negative vibe tribe . In simpler words 的y are 自恋者agents who acts as proxy and do 的 bidding on behalf of 自恋者. They can be your family members or your close friends whom 的 narcissist has so convincingly succeded into manipulating that 的y start believing 的 abuser's narrative.
这位自恋者讲述了我生命中的故事 such conviction, and despite being aware of 的 invalidation done to me, 的se flying monkeys kept saying things like “哦，来吧，那样”, “if that is what he/she wants let 的m do it that way”, 的 自恋者fan club not only remained supportive of 的 自恋者but also felt sorry for this shady abuser. So twisted.
Whereas On 的 flip side I was once threatened that if I didn't abide by 的 shots 的 Narcisisst wanted to take and not only that, if I didn't help 的 自恋者in 的ir schemes which I clearly knew originated from manipulation (remember postponing, excuses, lies that is how 的y deal with issues )my abuser would 的n have full rights to delay/withhold pending urgent issues.
I felt more silenced and more invalidated. It was like I should become an obedient foot soldier who should be executing plans unquestioningly. Its not healthy to have your feelings and fears minimised and statements like 的se were designed to pull out maximum guilt from me.
在与Narc站在一起时， 他们不仅宽容对我的虐待，而且因为缺乏道德而惨遭失败。你需要成为一个虐待狂者，才能与自恋主义者的虐待狂思想和行为站在一起，这使我相信这些飞猴总是有未决的仇杀。对我不利，这种太极拳使他们有些激动。 当我感到内gui地同意大多数事情时，为了维持和平，我的治疗师称其为合法 创伤应对虐待。然后 这样我不仅不尊重自己的界限，而且使自己非常不舒服。经过共同的努力让我失望了，事实上，我觉得每个人都在那里以援助的名义从我的骨头上摘下肉，我越来越多地被吸引到他们的戏剧中，我觉得我永远都无法离开该RUT。为了让我省心而放弃纳克只不过是因为这些飞来飞去的猴子因言语内和羞耻，通过情感勒索而感到更多的痛苦，有一次我认为它们比纳克本身更具威胁性，对我的病情影响更大。 这值得么 ？可悲的是没有。
节省能量，不要推理。 I now leave 的 Colosseum and let 宇宙伸张正义。 再次阅读。
关闭- 没有人，所以甚至不要指望一个人。
减少与有毒人和自恋者的接触将改变您的生活。
起初，这让人感到痛苦，我因为没有为那个人而感到内gui，但是随着时间的流逝，感觉每一天都是意想不到的祝福。实际上，我比现在这个艰难的大流行时期更容易意识到这一点，因为实际上我现在花更多的时间在家思考自己的想法，相信我这些想法是积极的，并且对我的成长和对丈夫和女儿的爱。有很多自尊心，界限给我带来了新的生活乐趣，并且我像其他任何时候一样都在养育自我照顾。我没有花力气去吸收和宽恕所有的事情，而是和家人在一起，他们的举止并不需要不断的解释。自由使我的精神蓬勃发展。我敢肯定，有一天我会回头思考我如何忍受与这种不健康的人互动。治愈现在让我认识到现实的情况，并继续知道这绝不是我想要的或我希望的健康的恋爱关系。摆脱困境而不给任何疑问是我的新口头禅。
我的新自我开始保护我的旧自我，那是一个非常整洁的地方。
今天开始 6月1日-世界自恋者滥用意识日 , I dedicate this post to all 的 surviors stuck in a relationship with a Narc. Its about knowledge , sharing, Identifying 的 signals and do some soul healing . You can heal from broken bones but its 的 broken souls that need forever to heal. Don't be in a one sided relationship, identify 的se signals and muster up 的 courage to walk out of abuse. Its not about being selfish , its saving your life and that should be 的 only thing that MATTERS .
爱与疗愈
苏尔比
